Cathedral of Shit

has taken a well earned GAP year

Archive for August, 2010

Au revoir.

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 28, 2010

FINALLY. Eshun and Yentob have now left the building.
It’s a shame they’ve left it until there is pretty much only a building left.

À bientôt, fellers.

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Save Our Souls.

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 27, 2010

We aren’t exactly sure how or when the Shrigley animation is being rolled out. The link we were sent has been taken down…
We did get sent a petition link though. Get signing.

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Save the arts(?)

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 26, 2010

We have just been sent some rather dated minutes from a VALS meeting. Indeed – a leaked document. We’re like SPIES.

VALS is an arts advocacy group of art pros patched together to petition the government to tell them how important the arts are. All of these people stand to lose out when the cuts are imposed. Erica Boulton will be fucked because PR consultancy will be the first to go with budget cuts, Ralphy can’t sell tickets (a quote from an emailed comment on his programme: “Ralph’s painfully populist program is failing to deliver paying audiences as British audiences aren’t as stupid as Americans and know when they’re being patronised”). JPJ has courted the private sector so extensively to pay her and HUO’s 100k+ salaries and annual tea-party pavilion that the government has probably realised they can accommodate the cuts fairly easily. God forbid they cauterise Julia’s champers fund.

The minutes we were sent were such an embarrassing insight into whose hands the attempt to stifle cuts are in (though, to be fair, some of the more useful members of the group were absent) at first we didn’t dare print it. And, unusually diplomatically of us, we didn’t want to stymie potential saving the arts attempts. We’re the first to agree that something has to be done, but really, well, we think we may be screwed.
Leaving disaster aversion of the future of the arts in the hands of Julia Peyton Jones, Ekow Eshun and Erica Bolton may not bode well for us all.

Now, thanks to the release of David Shrigley’s animation (more on this later, next post), encouraging us to sign this petition and save the arts, we thought we’d publish them.
God help us all.

VALS Advocacy Working Group
16 July 2010 – Southbank Centre Offices

Attendees: Erica Bolton, Julia Peyton Jones, Ralph Rugoff, Luisa Summers (minutes)
Apologies: Iwona Blazwick, Ekow Eshun, Jonathan Harvey, Matthew Slotover, Polly Staple

Ralph Rugoff was pleased to welcome Erica Bolton to the VALS Advocacy Group discussions.

Erica Bolton gave a brief overview on the new government and the implications of the suggested cuts. It is realistic for the Culture sector to accept cuts of 10% or at worst 15% but cuts of suggested 25-30% would mean closure of arts organisations. [CoS: this is before the news came that we are looking at more like 40% cuts].

EB stressed that an appeal against cuts needed to be made directly to David and Samantha Cameron. Both David Cameron and Nick Klegg [CoS: Klegg?! Typo lol.] have children and will be more sympathetic towards Arts. [CoS: ?! WHAT?!]

Following discussions from the previous Advocacy meeting regarding a quick turnaround project conversation resumed:

Timings for quick turnaround project –

EB explained that the allocation of funding for DCMS will be decided by September 2010 and announced on 22 October 2010. It is important to continue with the appeal against cuts in an attempt to influence DCMS’ decision of how to allocate money between Arts, Sport, Media and Tourism.

Ideas –

1. 20 Leading Artists appeal to the Prime Minister (this could be Visual Artists only).
– Press would love this.
– Actors and Actresses could be invited, including: Stephen Fry, Ian McKellen, Judy Dench, Helen Mirren, David Tennant (for wide public appeal).
– Artists who could be invited, including: David Hockney, Anish Kapoor, Bridget Riley, Lucian Freud.

2. Personal emails to Samantha Cameron from top visual artists. [CoS: Dear Sam. I love your notebooks. Please save our arts].

3. Day of Action (Cross London Event idea)

4. Childrens’ Art Sleepover
– One night of sleepovers for children in every major art organisation.
– Volunteers to run these nights as service to the public
– Creates great press coverage
[CoS: this is great. We have visions of HUO shepherding twenty angry London teens around the park at 2am trying to confiscate their bottles of vodka]

5. Artists Petition No. 10
– An overnight vigil by artists outside No. 10 [CoS: Count us IN. We love a vigil. We’ve got our sleeping bags at the ready. Just say the word and we’ll all be there]

6. Business People
– Business people and entrepreneurs to send emails and petition on behalf of arts.

Slogan –

A slogan is needed for the appeal like ‘Cut us but don’t kill us’. EB suggested inviting Tim Delaney and John Heggarty to a session to help formulate this.
The slogan is for the public and not the government.

Areas to promote in campaigns –

1. Britain is rubbish at football, tennis, most things . . . [CoS: see next post on Shrigley film.]
2. Art & Culture is what Britain does best . . .
3. The fear factor . . . Britain would lose its world-leading position in the cultural field after radical cuts to the arts.

Series of Campaigns with Artists – leading to actions

David Shrigley Film – Looking at the David Shrigley Pringle advert, the group decided to approach him to make an animated advocacy film for the arts, designed to arouse public opposition to radical cuts to the arts.

Action – Julia Peyton Jones called David Shrigley during the meeting and left a message. JPJ to follow up with DS re: film. [Cos: Can you visualise her ‘in meeting enthusiasm’? I’ll ring him NOW! Poor Shrigley]

Alison Jackson image – an idea of the Tories as the new Puritans. Cameron turning into Cromwell. Possible poster ideas.

Action – Erica Bolton to contact Alison Jackson with this idea. AJ to create a campaign.

Mark Wallinger advert and billboards – Mark Wallinger to create an advert and billboard campaign, possibly working with TBWA Ad Agency who Matthew Slotover has approached..

Action – Ralph Rugoff to contact Mark Wallinger about campaign.

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Posted by cathedralofshit on August 24, 2010

We just got back and boy are we pumped for September. Did you miss us? Did you? No? Not even a little? Oh. We missed you.

Well. As nothing has happened we’ve been browsing some internet. It seems Art Review have a little too much time on their hands. Whilst we were away they made a lovely film about football with Lofty from Eastenders(?!).

Also CoS’s favorite funny woman, former Greengrassi and Herald Street gallery girl, and BBC children’s TV presenter Holly Walsh was involved in a helicopter crash on a slow news day:
Get well soon…

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ACE pocket money time…

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 19, 2010

Goodness me it’s hot here. We’ve just parked ourselves in an internet cafe in Pattaya. So far not too many squabbles, though we did have an incident in the Aquarius Gay Guesthouse and Sauna with some pharmaceutical speed and a bowl of pad thai mangsawirat. We’re all friends again now though.

Although we’ve been traveling hard we’ve had a moment to browse the ACE’s recently released grant recipients of Grants for the Arts Awards for 2009 – 2010. CoS has taken the trouble of passing our lazy eyes over it..
Here are some low points to a rather dull and mediocre list. Don’t ask us for more right now. We’ve got terrible sunstroke.

Artists getting some pocket money to keep them in Haribo:
Catherine Yass Hurricane 4,370
Milica Lewis Joy Collective (Autumn 09 Tour) 4,970
Jonathan Allen That Old Flag Magic 5,000
Ben Judd Observance 3,146
Grace Ndiritu Production of New Work 3,100

A few more for the “Ridiculous use of public money” award:
Serpentine Gallery Poetry Marathon 2009 35,000
The Multiple Store Organisational Development 18,500
Buy Art Fair Limited Buy Art Fair 60,000
The Foundling Museum Collishaw, Emin & Rego at the Foundling 22,600

Public money going to private foundations who really should just pay for their shitty programmes themselves:
A Foundation Beyond the Boundary 25,000
A Foundation 2009-2010 Programme 150,000m (Really?!)
David Roberts Art Foundation ‘Curators’ Series # 2 and # 3 10,000

Public money going to commercial galleries and businesses:
Sartorial Contemporary Art Urban Art 10,000
R O O M Roaming Room 15,000
Tom Wolseley CABIN/ET 5,000 (this was a project for ROOM Gallery)
Arts Co Ghost Forest 15,000

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Out Of O(ri)fice Autoreply

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 6, 2010

We’ve got that Friday Feeling as copyrighted by the Cadbury’s ‘Crunchie’. The CoS office is like a carnival. There’s dancing and the potentially hazardous over-consumption of Malibu and pineapple juice before the lunching hour.
As the art world breaks up for the summer, off to sunnier climes, CoS are backpacking together in Thailand for a few weeks, retracing the route Leo DiCaprio took in The Beach.

By the time we return, before we’ve had a chance to get over our summer romances and gut-rot, cuts to the arts in the UK may be so severe we’ll be forced to possibly all get a proper job.
In a commercial gallery or something.

We leave you with some random top of the pops since the beginning of 2010.

Best/worst artists:
Alice Neel – ugly, boho, amateurish, retrograde nonsense. And may times can the Whitechapel mention ‘Warhol’ in the wall texts?
Christian Boltanski – he has an archive of 35,000 heartbeats. Not mine. It stopped when I saw his work.
Marc Quinn – to be mentioned in every ‘worst artist’ list until our or his death, whichever comes first. Ours probably, self-inflicted, if we ever have to see one of those giant transgendered paperweights again.

Most ridiculous use of production funds:
Yinka Shonibare – it’s a big slave ship in a bottle with African fabrics as sails – get it? Awesome.
No Soul For Sale – what’s that you say? NO production funds? Oh. In that case…

Most ridiculous use of no production funds:
No Soul For Sale
Pumphouse Gallery

Gayest of the gay art mafia:
Thomas Houseago

Award for the biggest art ligger/hanger on:
A group prize for the Royal College Curating course
Ooh. This is too easy isn’t it? Send in your nominations via the comments please. (You can do this anonymously).

The Award for ‘I am actually, underneath my art credentials, a frightening Tory”

The “What Were You Thinking?” Award:
The Board of the ICA…”well, he ran the Virgin in-flight magazine… he must be qualified”. Genius.
The Board of the ICA… “he’s young, he’s energetic… we can maybe push him around a bit”. Genius.

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Where is your dignity?

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 4, 2010

We thought we’d seen it all.
It’s enough to make you consider suicide as your summer holiday destination of 2010.

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You Say Tomato….

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 1, 2010

It’s not just our wise leader David Cameron who has been thinking that the “Special Relationship” is really more like an “Abusive relationship with a nutcase who styles himself on Raoul Moat”, so here at COS’s Homerton high-rise we’ve been pondering the differences between the London art world and our cousins on the other side of the “pond”. Here the art world heads to St John and proceeds to order as many bottles of St John red superior plonk with the occasional line in the handily refurbished toilets to refreshen the palette. There they swap Facebook tips on their “favourite simplest killer dish”. ‘Food artist’ Jennifer Rubell, daughter of uber-collectors Don and Mera, started it off with her regular Facebook updates on what she’s been eating. So for instance a recent update noted,

“ATE LAST NIGHT: incredible vegetables from Brooklyn Grange, a one-acre rooftop farm in Queens, NY, cooked with admirable restraint by Leif Hedendal: roasted root vegetables, a simply dressed salad, sauteed greens (mustard and other) with smoked trout, a cucumber salad. Genius without needing to show it, my kind of stuff. QUESTION: what’s your simplest killer dish?”

To which Elizabeth Dee, stalwart co-founder of ‘The Independent’ art fair jauntily replied: “Jullienned raw red cabbage, dill, feta, toasted pine nuts, honestly that’s it, so rich and no dressing needed!”

Meanwhile art advisor Todd Levin upped the stakes (or should that be steaks -hafuckityha!) with his reply: “Roast chicken (in duck fat w/black truffles). Super simple. Super deluxe.”

Meanwhile Jennifer (shoot me if this is boring you as much as it’s boring me) concluded: “Love so many of these: Cabbage sounds genius; kimchee quesadillas sound scary but oddly appealing; corn, new potatoes and octopus sounds just right, right now.”

Anyhow, that’s it for this story. Doesn’t it just make you want to mouth-fuck one of THESE.

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