Cathedral of Shit

has taken a well earned GAP year

Picture This

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 23, 2011

Claire Hooper has just been announced as the winner of the sea-change residency at Picture This. Is it just us, or has someone else noticed that this is the second time this year that a publicly-funded institution (which has just lost its ACE funding – we wonder why) whose director Lisa Panting is also running the commercial gallery – Hollybush Gardens – that represents this artist. Earlier in the year their artist Falke Pisano also had an exhibition at Picture This. Nepotism, conflict of interest or just clever to have your artist’s work produced and funded by an institution you run so that you can then sell it through the gallery you also run?

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Pleasant WInd

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 23, 2011

ERM.
Would that be from Galeria Continua who flog Chinese artists by any chance?
And, FYI, he’s not free. He’s on bail. Don’t get carried away.

Begin forwarded message:

From: GALLERIACONTINUA
Date: 23 June 2011 12:58:14 BDT
Subject: AI WEIWEI IS FREE

A new bridge, a colourful rainbow
connects again China and the rest of the world.
Ai Weiwei is free, Ai Weiwei is well!
The spring was dark but in
the summer a pleasant wind of freedom is
blowing and we hope it will cross every
season.

GALLERIACONTINUA, San Gimignano / Beijing / Le Moulin

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Making Statements

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 21, 2011

Its degree show time again: forests have been felled and fast food fliers have been put on hold as paper makers and printers have been busy with another crop of pitiful catalogue/year books filled with pixelated pics and ‘artist’s statements’.

One year out of college, after continuing their studies at the University of Life, they post on YouTube.

If you need to write you’re own artist’s statement, this website will do it for you.

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“We’re part of a new generation” (of idiots).

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 17, 2011

or

How To Let The World Know You Are Stupid.

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Time Gentlemen, Please

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 17, 2011

Christian Marclay’s 24 hour pyscho-pathogen “The Clock’ is becoming a real bore. The other night in Basel Dascha ‘Pop’bitch Abramovich and media monster Elizabeth Murdoch (yup, daughter of) co-hosted a ridiculous dinner for the smug artist at the Beyeler Foundation. It wasn’t enough that this stupidly tedious work used up half the budget for the British Art Show (especially given that he’s Swiss and has no real engagement with Britain other than his Mrs works here). And then White Cube decided that not enough people had been bored by seen it already and clogged up Mason’s Yard with it. Then it won Best in Show at Crufts Venice (a Swiss clock awarded a prize for a show sponsored by Swiss watchmaker-Swatch – PR dream!). Now all the museums of the world (Tate included) have discovered that the footage is all nicked… You’d think this would put them off as, because of this, it can’t actually be shown, but no. He’s expecting them to aquire the rights for him as well. Cue thousands of Tate man-hours calling unhelpful movie houses…

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Bold indeed.

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 13, 2011

COS favourite art muppet Hannah Barry is currently looking for patrons for her next car park thing.. Bold Tendencies has gone all “non profit” and she is looking for support.. We at COS urge each and everyone one of our readers to support the cause. We don’t think there has been a more just and needy cause since Parasol Unit’s ‘curator’/founder Ziba de Weck (and wife of Pierre de Weck, Head of Private Wealth Management at Deutsche Bank) started asking people to support her folly leading institution.

This year, Barry is taking the same curatorial approach of shipping in artists nominated by a “curatorial council” rather than using her own artists as in previous years. Presumably someone advised her that she can’t tell her arse from her elbow when it comes to art.

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Eye on the Prize…

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 13, 2011

In a desperate attempt by the Tate empire for the Turner Prize to reach even wider audiences they have commissioned some informative videos to help the general public understand this years line up. It has taken a crack team of over 38 ‘Interpretation Curators’ and at least 30 specialist consultants, but we think the results are well worth it.
Here at COS we certainly have a better understanding now..

Karla Black

Hilary Lloyd

Martin Boyce

George Shaw

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Venice is Now in Hackney

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 8, 2011

Anyone miss Andrew Nairne’s tweets from yesterday.? They are just fucking brilliant!

You are on the edge, arms outstretched, heart beating – a wholeworld. River below. Indigo reflections. A Venetian Baroque sky in Hackney

Standing still in Tavistock Square. Postcard sky with puffy white clouds, a bus goes by

Ryan Giggs. Shagged his missus’s sister. Oo-er missus. Oo-er Ryan. His terrible beauty makes me weep. Passing cloud looks like a huge penis

Okay, we made one of these up. 25k from ACE’s foreign trip expense account for the lucky reader who guesses which one. Follow Andrew on twitter @totalarse

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Venice-isms

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 7, 2011

Venice is over, once more. We’ve suffered more than most – our feet hurt, our wallets are empty, we’ve realised we don’t actually like Aperol fucking Spritz, and we were asked to leave Anita’s boat after unsuccessfully fashioning one of those fetching access wristbands out of chewing gum and Copydex. Harrumph! Rumbled!

Here’s a mini round-up peppered with inaccuracies and information from unreliable sources.

The Cathedral of Shit Golden Lion Donkey goes to… Germany! Though we hated the Polish Pavilion the most, Germany was responsible for providing the subject matter for it. So it’s their fault and so they win the prize.

The Cathedral of Shit Silver Donkey goes to Haroon Mirza.

Spain and NL are disqualified for not really showing any art. Belgium gets a slapped wrist for showing a student of the curator. The Swedes get a slapped wrist for still not realising their pavilion would look better without any art, Britain gets a slapped wrist and bum for not installing a queuing/ticketing system so we could actually see the Mike Nelson, but Mike gets, erm, ‘unslapped’ for slightly injuring the Tory Minister for Culture Ed Vaizey who walloped his head inside. Tim Davies’ Welsh pavilion was curated by his dealer and a former director of V22, so the whole of Wales can have a slap. Finally, France gets a slapped bum, arse and face for the turgid nonsense from Christian Boltanski. Life! Death! So profound! What does it MEAN?!

There were A LOT of Swiss artists weren’t there? Even the ‘born in Iran, Morocco, Georgia’ artists seem to have Swiss nationalities.

The ACE were out in force showing ‘support’ at the New Forest Pavilion despite slashing their funding to absolutely nowt.

Busier than ever, CoS has an idea as to how to trim down on visitors for the next Biennale. In addition to the millions of art people to talk to, can we PLEASE trim down on the eighty thousand PRs at every event, hanging round grinning inanely and saying “isn’t it just suuuper?”. Just an idea.
This Biennale, Roman Abramovich’s Superyacht seemed to be the most talked about artwork, parked on the curb of the Giardini. (Wonder how many 20p’s he had to put in the meter?) Oligarch’s parties were ten a penny this year, though despite the prevalence of these caviar and champers parties, CoS weren’t actually invited to any, so we hot-footed it to the Gavin Brown/Balice Hertling/Herald St/Gio Marconi party where allegedly they’d let anyone in. Naturally, it was held in Venice’s smallest (and shittest) club, Piccolo Mondo. We made it into the sweatbox after queueing behind a group of suited Christie’s staff who were trying their damnedest to get in by shouting “but we know Nicky/Gavin/Daniele!!”. We stayed a little to watch Tate’s Martin Clark throw some shapes, but had to leave as the lasers were setting off our epilepsy.

On Friday night CoS had terrible post-lazer migaraines, and stayed in, so we sent a scout to check out the Frieze 20th birthday party on an island a short jaunt away. With a guest list including most of London, guests included Matthew Higgs, Peter Saville, Alice Rawsthorn, Polly Staple, Mark Sladen, Massimiliano Gioni, Iwona Blazwick, Cornelia Grassi and Tommaso Corvi-Mora, Adrian Searle, Chiara Repetto, Nick Relph, Roselee Goldberg, and of course Frieze en masse. Being trapped on the island meant everyone was soon suitably plastered. Some grumbles about the wedding DJ soon faded once everyone had drunk a lot more champagne the spirit of the 20th Anniversary was embraced.
Though our scout left about 2am, we heard tales of the last boat including arguments, an irate (yes, apparently it does happen) but valiant Matthew Slotover shouting at the boat captain for trying to leave early without the last guests, and some minor ruckus’ on board…

Other bits of gossip…

Which female American dealer fell into the canal whilst taking a leak, and has also broken her nose?
Which Frieze writer was seen kissing which Berlin dealer at the Gavin Brown/Herald St/Balice Hertling/Gio Marconi party?
Which supposedly sober ‘rock’ musician was seen screaming at two different people at different times, about seemingly very little?

Ah, hell with it – we’re not Popbitch… and there are no super-injuctions being banded about round these parts! The answers are; Michelle Maccarone, Paul Teasdale, Tanya Leighton and Courtney Love! Hurrah!

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The Terrible Beauty of Andrew Nairne

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 7, 2011

Okay we were tipped off about this by one of our lovely readers, but who could be failed to be tremendously moved by Andrew Nairne’s tweets from Venice? In haunting haiku-like phrases the Director of Arts Strategy at ACE spake thus:

The white marble of church facades, dark cyprus trees, soft red brick and plaster walls. Devotion. Saints. Miracles.

Nelson: so serious, so determined. Catches in your throat, reveals worlds of trade, survival, belief you will never know

Dinner for 100 guests in a gorgeous palazzo, gilded candelabra reflected in vast mirros. Now more guests in courtyard below. Magical

Palanca -wonderful long lunch with BC and GLA colleagues, discussing future collaborations. Venice looking glorious in sun

An unkind reader did write in and suggest that Andrew might use his poetic muse to fashion something like:

Public money? Fuck it. Pass me another bellini. The terrible beauty. Violent, violet sunset over my luxurious pudding. Ploppety plop.

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