Cathedral of Shit

has taken a well earned GAP year

Posts Tagged ‘Anthony Gormley’

Bum bum bum bum buum buuum baaaaaaah!!!!!

Posted by cathedralofshit on May 5, 2010

That was a trumpeted fanfare of course.

Despite just seven months of talking shit, making things up and taking the piss out of Anthony Gormley and Anish Kapoor, we’ve hit the 50,000 visits mark. How about that, eh? Isn’t it time we were paid by some ad exec to casually mention how much we enjoy Hob Nobs or Topshop or Wilkinson Gallery or something? We’re pretty cheap you know?

Anyway, we’ll be celebrating our phenomenal and unprecedented success by running a poll or two. Feel free, in the spirit of election polling, to send in your contributions, and let’s see if we can establish who’s the David Cameron of the art world?

The following topics apply – don’t forget, you can reply to us anonymously by simply using a fake name and email address. Totally anonymous.
1 Artist of the Month
2 The ‘No, Seriously…?’ Award for Artistic Bravery
3 The Press Release Award of The Month
4 The “Go Home, The Party’s Over’ Award
5 The ‘Actually, We’re Pretty Bored of Discussing That’ Award
6 The David Cameron Award For The Unique And Awful Qualities Usually Attributed To David Cameron
and finally
6 The Klaus Biesenbach Award

I look forward to your response.

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“Vote Labour” says Gormster and others

Posted by cathedralofshit on April 14, 2010

Here at CoS we’re counting down the hours by eating fried chicken wings until the much-awaited ‘Make Your Mark’ posters for Labour are finally unveiled on some obscure website. For those of you who haven’t heard this is a brilliant strategy dreamed up by the Reverend Richard Greer and Alastair Darling’s Mum to get great artists like Anthony Gormley, Jeremy Deller and Banksy to exhort us to vote Labour. At the moment there’s a press embargo on them whilst the Guardian gets to exclusively masturbate over the images. Our undercover source at the Guardian says: “They’re totally shit. If anything would want me to vote for Dickhead Dave and Horny George it’s Anthony Gormley telling me which was to swing.” Gormley, 86, swings to the left (as previously revealed in the “Take the lift to my knackers” story printed somewhere below).

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Anthony Gormley’s Giant Knackers.

Posted by cathedralofshit on April 2, 2010

News just in from a reliable source… (first time for everything).
It seems that Mr J. Deller was actually one of three contenders for the tower project in the Olympic Park with the exteemed Mr A. Gormley being the other.
In the end it was a head to head between Kapoor and Tony, who proposed a £100milion figure of himself(!) complete with lifts in his legs(!!).
Allegedly Gormers is furious he was passed over for the Kapoor Helter Skelter.

Originally Tony’s tower design only had stairs, which is of course illegal, (he wanted the general public to walk up, presumably on their knees), but of course provision had to made for disabled access and lazy-as-fuck art dealers, so lifts would have had to be put in the legs. These then would have had to ascend at an angle which made them very pricey apparently.
More amusingly to CoS is the idea of ascending in an elevator towards Anthony Gormley’s giant metal balls. Dizzy heights indeed!

If anyone has any drawings/desgns they can leak to us of said ‘sculpture’ we’d love to see them. There £8.50 in it for you (see comment on one of the previous threads).
If anyone can confirm the Anthony Gormley does indeed have giant balls, there a fiver in it for you – that’s from our own pockets.

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Posted by cathedralofshit on December 26, 2009

Christmas is over, and we at CoS are all very well rested and full to bursting with Christmas fayre.

So, final votes in….. here we go.

Most Ridiculous Idea For An Exhibition
And the nominees are:
POP LIFE
THE RUSSIAN LINESMAN
ANYTHING INVOLVING TOM MORTON
DAMIEN HIRST IN THE WALLACE COLLECTION

    And the winner is… DAMIEN HIRST. Of course.

Most Ludicrous Use Of Production Funds
The nominees:
MONIKA SOSNOWSKA AT FRIEZE
DOMINIQUE GONZALEZ-FOERSTER
EVERYTHING CONRAD SHAWCROSS HAS EVER MADE
ANISH KAPOOR AT THE RA
ANTHONY GORMLEY’S FOURTH PLINTH

    And the winner iiiiiis – GORMLEY. Need we explain?

Most Tiresome Self-Promoter
No nominees, just…..

    HANNAH BARRY. It just shows what you can do with a premium PR background.

Best Art Blog

SCENE AND HERD
ART FAG CITY
ANITA’S ‘ART’ BLOG
BRIAN SHOLIS
CATHEDRAL OF SHIT!

Winner: ANITA. We can never compete with such a high profile line up; Madonna, Stormin’ Norman Rosenthal, Nick Serota, Jon Bon Jovi, err, Graham Hudson, David Blandy and Max Wigram. So the extremes of the art celebrity scale then.

Here’s some reminders of her brilliance for your viewing pleasure.


The “Really? Is That Actually Good?! You Rate That? Huh.” Award to An Artist

KARLA BLACK
SILKE OTTO-KNAPP
CHARLES AVERY
KATJA STRUNZ
JOSH SMITH

Winner? All of them, in their own special way.

Moodiest Gallerist

NICKY VERBER
TOBY WEBSTER
ROB TUFNELL
MARTIN MCGOWAN

    Interesting, No women in there. Can you think of any moody women gallerists? Answers on a postcard (or comment, whichever you prefer). Oh, these lot, who’s won you say? God I’m bored of this. They can all win, miserable bastards.

and finally, the Cathedral Of Shit Award for the Person We’d Most Like To Just Change Career or Disappear Entirely As They Don’t Even Serve Us As An Object Of Mockery.

    GORMLEY/QUINN/TAYLOR-WOOD/HIRST/EMIN.


Special Mention for 2009 goes to SARAH THORNTON. For being special and talented.

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First results are IN

Posted by cathedralofshit on December 19, 2009

There’s a few of us here at CoS… all with a different opinion on our end of year awards. That’s right, we’re individuals.
The first result are in from… hmmm… let’s call him ‘DAVE’. More to follow from the other STEVEs and IANs. Oh, and ‘SUSANs’ of course.

Most Ridiculous Idea For An Exhibition

THE RUSSIAN LINESMAN
& ANYTHING INVOLVING TOM MORTON

Most Ludicrous Use Of Production Funds

DOMINIQUE GONZALEZ-FOERSTER

Most Tiresome Self-Promoter

ADAM SUTHERLAND

Best Art Blog

CATHEDRAL OF SHIT!

The “Really? Is That Actually Good?! You Rate That? Huh.” Award to An Artist

KARLA BLACK

Moodiest Gallerist

TOBY WEBSTER

and finally, the Cathedral Of Shit Award for the Person We’d Most Like To Just Change Career or Disappear Entirely As They Don’t Even Serve Us As An Object Of Mockery.

GORMLEY OR QUINN OR SAM TAYLOR WOOD – WHITE CUBE BASICALLY. ALTHOUGH GLEN SCOTT WRIGHT IS ANOTHER GOOD CANDIDATE.

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