Cathedral of Shit

has taken a well earned GAP year

Posts Tagged ‘Ed Vaizey’

Venice-isms

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 7, 2011

Venice is over, once more. We’ve suffered more than most – our feet hurt, our wallets are empty, we’ve realised we don’t actually like Aperol fucking Spritz, and we were asked to leave Anita’s boat after unsuccessfully fashioning one of those fetching access wristbands out of chewing gum and Copydex. Harrumph! Rumbled!

Here’s a mini round-up peppered with inaccuracies and information from unreliable sources.

The Cathedral of Shit Golden Lion Donkey goes to… Germany! Though we hated the Polish Pavilion the most, Germany was responsible for providing the subject matter for it. So it’s their fault and so they win the prize.

The Cathedral of Shit Silver Donkey goes to Haroon Mirza.

Spain and NL are disqualified for not really showing any art. Belgium gets a slapped wrist for showing a student of the curator. The Swedes get a slapped wrist for still not realising their pavilion would look better without any art, Britain gets a slapped wrist and bum for not installing a queuing/ticketing system so we could actually see the Mike Nelson, but Mike gets, erm, ‘unslapped’ for slightly injuring the Tory Minister for Culture Ed Vaizey who walloped his head inside. Tim Davies’ Welsh pavilion was curated by his dealer and a former director of V22, so the whole of Wales can have a slap. Finally, France gets a slapped bum, arse and face for the turgid nonsense from Christian Boltanski. Life! Death! So profound! What does it MEAN?!

There were A LOT of Swiss artists weren’t there? Even the ‘born in Iran, Morocco, Georgia’ artists seem to have Swiss nationalities.

The ACE were out in force showing ‘support’ at the New Forest Pavilion despite slashing their funding to absolutely nowt.

Busier than ever, CoS has an idea as to how to trim down on visitors for the next Biennale. In addition to the millions of art people to talk to, can we PLEASE trim down on the eighty thousand PRs at every event, hanging round grinning inanely and saying “isn’t it just suuuper?”. Just an idea.
This Biennale, Roman Abramovich’s Superyacht seemed to be the most talked about artwork, parked on the curb of the Giardini. (Wonder how many 20p’s he had to put in the meter?) Oligarch’s parties were ten a penny this year, though despite the prevalence of these caviar and champers parties, CoS weren’t actually invited to any, so we hot-footed it to the Gavin Brown/Balice Hertling/Herald St/Gio Marconi party where allegedly they’d let anyone in. Naturally, it was held in Venice’s smallest (and shittest) club, Piccolo Mondo. We made it into the sweatbox after queueing behind a group of suited Christie’s staff who were trying their damnedest to get in by shouting “but we know Nicky/Gavin/Daniele!!”. We stayed a little to watch Tate’s Martin Clark throw some shapes, but had to leave as the lasers were setting off our epilepsy.

On Friday night CoS had terrible post-lazer migaraines, and stayed in, so we sent a scout to check out the Frieze 20th birthday party on an island a short jaunt away. With a guest list including most of London, guests included Matthew Higgs, Peter Saville, Alice Rawsthorn, Polly Staple, Mark Sladen, Massimiliano Gioni, Iwona Blazwick, Cornelia Grassi and Tommaso Corvi-Mora, Adrian Searle, Chiara Repetto, Nick Relph, Roselee Goldberg, and of course Frieze en masse. Being trapped on the island meant everyone was soon suitably plastered. Some grumbles about the wedding DJ soon faded once everyone had drunk a lot more champagne the spirit of the 20th Anniversary was embraced.
Though our scout left about 2am, we heard tales of the last boat including arguments, an irate (yes, apparently it does happen) but valiant Matthew Slotover shouting at the boat captain for trying to leave early without the last guests, and some minor ruckus’ on board…

Other bits of gossip…

Which female American dealer fell into the canal whilst taking a leak, and has also broken her nose?
Which Frieze writer was seen kissing which Berlin dealer at the Gavin Brown/Herald St/Balice Hertling/Gio Marconi party?
Which supposedly sober ‘rock’ musician was seen screaming at two different people at different times, about seemingly very little?

Ah, hell with it – we’re not Popbitch… and there are no super-injuctions being banded about round these parts! The answers are; Michelle Maccarone, Paul Teasdale, Tanya Leighton and Courtney Love! Hurrah!

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and more…

Posted by cathedralofshit on December 6, 2010

At the start of the twentieth century Canon Barnett and his wife Henrietta came up with the then-brilliant idea of the Whitechapel Gallery. Designed by Charles Harrison Townsend and built in 1901, Barnett’s brainchild was founded on the idea that exposure to fine art would help eradicate the widespread local poverty and ignorance. Just over a hundred years later imagine just how delighted he would be to discover the gallery’s latest wheeze is to invite Coalition lapdog and useful idiot Nick Clegg (pithily profiled by Andrew Rawnsley in today’s Observer as the nation’s “hate figure”); Ed Vaizey, Culture Minister overseeing the dismantling of arts through the regions, and our PM’s own gorgeous wife, Sam Cam, to curate hangs of the Government Art Collection. It is all wonderfully ironic – as of course the Collection is tax-payer funded and so is exactly the type of public spending on art that the Coalition is so hell-bent on stopping – unless of course one gets to ‘curate’ a show of the taxpayer-funded stuff that is and attend a lovely opening party in the boho East End. As for the Whitechapel, the exhibition follows on from their showcasing of the private collection of Dimitris Daskalopoulis, the Greek collector who sold his family stake in the company Vivarta in 2007 at around the time the company was facing allegations of anti-competitive practices. Canon Barnett would be very, very proud.

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Garlic Sauce, boss?

Posted by cathedralofshit on January 28, 2010

Frieze magazine’s looking terribly thin these days. How long before they reintroduce the staples? But Matthew Slotover has been relying on the public purse for basic sustenance for a while now. Munira Mirza, Boris Johnson’s hopelessly overqualified Cultural Adviser, treated him and his best pal Ed Vaizey to lunch back in July 1998. She spent £10 at an unnamed establishment on Old Street here. Small döner kebabs?

PS.

Ed Vaizey? Yup: the Honourable Edward Henry Butler Vaizey, Shadow Minister for the Arts. The title is inherited – his (relatively) recently exposed parliamentary expense claims of 2007 suggest he is not particularly ‘honourable’ but arguably cultured in other ways (likes both antique and contemporary Scandinavian furniture). Brilliant.

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