Cathedral of Shit

has taken a well earned GAP year

Posts Tagged ‘Matthew Slotover’

Venice-isms

Posted by cathedralofshit on June 7, 2011

Venice is over, once more. We’ve suffered more than most – our feet hurt, our wallets are empty, we’ve realised we don’t actually like Aperol fucking Spritz, and we were asked to leave Anita’s boat after unsuccessfully fashioning one of those fetching access wristbands out of chewing gum and Copydex. Harrumph! Rumbled!

Here’s a mini round-up peppered with inaccuracies and information from unreliable sources.

The Cathedral of Shit Golden Lion Donkey goes to… Germany! Though we hated the Polish Pavilion the most, Germany was responsible for providing the subject matter for it. So it’s their fault and so they win the prize.

The Cathedral of Shit Silver Donkey goes to Haroon Mirza.

Spain and NL are disqualified for not really showing any art. Belgium gets a slapped wrist for showing a student of the curator. The Swedes get a slapped wrist for still not realising their pavilion would look better without any art, Britain gets a slapped wrist and bum for not installing a queuing/ticketing system so we could actually see the Mike Nelson, but Mike gets, erm, ‘unslapped’ for slightly injuring the Tory Minister for Culture Ed Vaizey who walloped his head inside. Tim Davies’ Welsh pavilion was curated by his dealer and a former director of V22, so the whole of Wales can have a slap. Finally, France gets a slapped bum, arse and face for the turgid nonsense from Christian Boltanski. Life! Death! So profound! What does it MEAN?!

There were A LOT of Swiss artists weren’t there? Even the ‘born in Iran, Morocco, Georgia’ artists seem to have Swiss nationalities.

The ACE were out in force showing ‘support’ at the New Forest Pavilion despite slashing their funding to absolutely nowt.

Busier than ever, CoS has an idea as to how to trim down on visitors for the next Biennale. In addition to the millions of art people to talk to, can we PLEASE trim down on the eighty thousand PRs at every event, hanging round grinning inanely and saying “isn’t it just suuuper?”. Just an idea.
This Biennale, Roman Abramovich’s Superyacht seemed to be the most talked about artwork, parked on the curb of the Giardini. (Wonder how many 20p’s he had to put in the meter?) Oligarch’s parties were ten a penny this year, though despite the prevalence of these caviar and champers parties, CoS weren’t actually invited to any, so we hot-footed it to the Gavin Brown/Balice Hertling/Herald St/Gio Marconi party where allegedly they’d let anyone in. Naturally, it was held in Venice’s smallest (and shittest) club, Piccolo Mondo. We made it into the sweatbox after queueing behind a group of suited Christie’s staff who were trying their damnedest to get in by shouting “but we know Nicky/Gavin/Daniele!!”. We stayed a little to watch Tate’s Martin Clark throw some shapes, but had to leave as the lasers were setting off our epilepsy.

On Friday night CoS had terrible post-lazer migaraines, and stayed in, so we sent a scout to check out the Frieze 20th birthday party on an island a short jaunt away. With a guest list including most of London, guests included Matthew Higgs, Peter Saville, Alice Rawsthorn, Polly Staple, Mark Sladen, Massimiliano Gioni, Iwona Blazwick, Cornelia Grassi and Tommaso Corvi-Mora, Adrian Searle, Chiara Repetto, Nick Relph, Roselee Goldberg, and of course Frieze en masse. Being trapped on the island meant everyone was soon suitably plastered. Some grumbles about the wedding DJ soon faded once everyone had drunk a lot more champagne the spirit of the 20th Anniversary was embraced.
Though our scout left about 2am, we heard tales of the last boat including arguments, an irate (yes, apparently it does happen) but valiant Matthew Slotover shouting at the boat captain for trying to leave early without the last guests, and some minor ruckus’ on board…

Other bits of gossip…

Which female American dealer fell into the canal whilst taking a leak, and has also broken her nose?
Which Frieze writer was seen kissing which Berlin dealer at the Gavin Brown/Herald St/Balice Hertling/Gio Marconi party?
Which supposedly sober ‘rock’ musician was seen screaming at two different people at different times, about seemingly very little?

Ah, hell with it – we’re not Popbitch… and there are no super-injuctions being banded about round these parts! The answers are; Michelle Maccarone, Paul Teasdale, Tanya Leighton and Courtney Love! Hurrah!

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The Brits Are Coming!!!

Posted by cathedralofshit on May 12, 2011

The Brits are coming! Get that theme tune on from Chariots of Fire! Roll out Jarvis Cocker! Bring on Sir Trevor McDonald! Unveil Matthew Slotover for yet another perfectly-worded interview that reveals jack shit! Yes, here’s another article from our cousins over the pond getting all excited about what is apparently the art world’s biggest rumour: that the Frieze Art Fair is going to open in New York and blow the back doors down off the Armory.

We reckon it’s true and that it’s game over for the Armory’s joyless piers. But then again so does everybody else who has spotted the self-styled “Slot-machine” modelling his Billy Reid velvet tailoring around Margot’s caff recently and repeatedly shouting “Let’s roll!” at the waitress. You didn’t hear it here first (in a very real sense).

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House of the Rising Sun

Posted by cathedralofshit on November 16, 2010

Cathedral of Shit’s invite to the opening of Studio Voltaire’s Mayfair shop venture seemed to have been mysteriously lost in the post, but luckily, we managed to wangle our way in regardless. So packed was the opening that we didn’t see much other than the booze counter and anything hung over 1.5m high. We couldn’t afford anything on our minimum wage but considered shoplifting a Steven Claydon brick… it was just too heavy.
The party, distinctly harder to get into than the shop but no match for the CoS crack party team (in through a toilet window, a fiver to a doorman, and “create a diversion, Steve!”), was in full swing by the time we got there, with East London journalist and DJ ‘face’ Charlie Porter manning the Ivy’s tape decks. We are sure that at one point we heard DJ Assault’s “There’s Some Hoes in this House”.
In attendance – Rob Tufnell (at one point face down on the floor), a very drunk Darren Flook, the Napoleones, ACE’s Julie Lomax (no doubt taking advantage of the free booze while she can), Matthew Slotover, Emily King, Fiona Banner, Alice Rawsthorn, Sarah McCrory, Mark Rappolt, Oliver Basciano, that actor off the telly that everyone likes, Rupert Sanderson of the shoes, Stuart Shave, Jeremy Deller, and Jennifer Higgie making shapes on the dancefloor, some fashion designer who looked familiar, and that’s all we can remember.
It seemed a remarkably well stocked party for a fundraiser, though we did see Julia Royse of champers sponsorship there. We tried to get a CoS champagne deal but apparently we’ve no ‘discernible merit’. How rude.

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Save the arts(?)

Posted by cathedralofshit on August 26, 2010

We have just been sent some rather dated minutes from a VALS meeting. Indeed – a leaked document. We’re like SPIES.

VALS is an arts advocacy group of art pros patched together to petition the government to tell them how important the arts are. All of these people stand to lose out when the cuts are imposed. Erica Boulton will be fucked because PR consultancy will be the first to go with budget cuts, Ralphy can’t sell tickets (a quote from an emailed comment on his programme: “Ralph’s painfully populist program is failing to deliver paying audiences as British audiences aren’t as stupid as Americans and know when they’re being patronised”). JPJ has courted the private sector so extensively to pay her and HUO’s 100k+ salaries and annual tea-party pavilion that the government has probably realised they can accommodate the cuts fairly easily. God forbid they cauterise Julia’s champers fund.

The minutes we were sent were such an embarrassing insight into whose hands the attempt to stifle cuts are in (though, to be fair, some of the more useful members of the group were absent) at first we didn’t dare print it. And, unusually diplomatically of us, we didn’t want to stymie potential saving the arts attempts. We’re the first to agree that something has to be done, but really, well, we think we may be screwed.
Leaving disaster aversion of the future of the arts in the hands of Julia Peyton Jones, Ekow Eshun and Erica Bolton may not bode well for us all.

Now, thanks to the release of David Shrigley’s animation (more on this later, next post), encouraging us to sign this petition and save the arts, we thought we’d publish them.
God help us all.

MINUTES
VALS Advocacy Working Group
16 July 2010 – Southbank Centre Offices

Attendees: Erica Bolton, Julia Peyton Jones, Ralph Rugoff, Luisa Summers (minutes)
Apologies: Iwona Blazwick, Ekow Eshun, Jonathan Harvey, Matthew Slotover, Polly Staple

Ralph Rugoff was pleased to welcome Erica Bolton to the VALS Advocacy Group discussions.

Erica Bolton gave a brief overview on the new government and the implications of the suggested cuts. It is realistic for the Culture sector to accept cuts of 10% or at worst 15% but cuts of suggested 25-30% would mean closure of arts organisations. [CoS: this is before the news came that we are looking at more like 40% cuts].

EB stressed that an appeal against cuts needed to be made directly to David and Samantha Cameron. Both David Cameron and Nick Klegg [CoS: Klegg?! Typo lol.] have children and will be more sympathetic towards Arts. [CoS: ?! WHAT?!]

Following discussions from the previous Advocacy meeting regarding a quick turnaround project conversation resumed:

Timings for quick turnaround project –

EB explained that the allocation of funding for DCMS will be decided by September 2010 and announced on 22 October 2010. It is important to continue with the appeal against cuts in an attempt to influence DCMS’ decision of how to allocate money between Arts, Sport, Media and Tourism.

Ideas –

1. 20 Leading Artists appeal to the Prime Minister (this could be Visual Artists only).
– Press would love this.
– Actors and Actresses could be invited, including: Stephen Fry, Ian McKellen, Judy Dench, Helen Mirren, David Tennant (for wide public appeal).
– Artists who could be invited, including: David Hockney, Anish Kapoor, Bridget Riley, Lucian Freud.

2. Personal emails to Samantha Cameron from top visual artists. [CoS: Dear Sam. I love your notebooks. Please save our arts].

3. Day of Action (Cross London Event idea)

4. Childrens’ Art Sleepover
– One night of sleepovers for children in every major art organisation.
– Volunteers to run these nights as service to the public
– Creates great press coverage
[CoS: this is great. We have visions of HUO shepherding twenty angry London teens around the park at 2am trying to confiscate their bottles of vodka]

5. Artists Petition No. 10
– An overnight vigil by artists outside No. 10 [CoS: Count us IN. We love a vigil. We’ve got our sleeping bags at the ready. Just say the word and we’ll all be there]

6. Business People
– Business people and entrepreneurs to send emails and petition on behalf of arts.

Slogan –

A slogan is needed for the appeal like ‘Cut us but don’t kill us’. EB suggested inviting Tim Delaney and John Heggarty to a session to help formulate this.
The slogan is for the public and not the government.

Areas to promote in campaigns –

1. Britain is rubbish at football, tennis, most things . . . [CoS: see next post on Shrigley film.]
2. Art & Culture is what Britain does best . . .
3. The fear factor . . . Britain would lose its world-leading position in the cultural field after radical cuts to the arts.

Series of Campaigns with Artists – leading to actions

David Shrigley Film – Looking at the David Shrigley Pringle advert, the group decided to approach him to make an animated advocacy film for the arts, designed to arouse public opposition to radical cuts to the arts.

Action – Julia Peyton Jones called David Shrigley during the meeting and left a message. JPJ to follow up with DS re: film. [Cos: Can you visualise her ‘in meeting enthusiasm’? I’ll ring him NOW! Poor Shrigley]

Alison Jackson image – an idea of the Tories as the new Puritans. Cameron turning into Cromwell. Possible poster ideas.

Action – Erica Bolton to contact Alison Jackson with this idea. AJ to create a campaign.

Mark Wallinger advert and billboards – Mark Wallinger to create an advert and billboard campaign, possibly working with TBWA Ad Agency who Matthew Slotover has approached..

Action – Ralph Rugoff to contact Mark Wallinger about campaign.

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Bend It Like Peckham

Posted by cathedralofshit on July 2, 2010

Cathedral of Shit favourite Hannah Barry seems to have come up with a solution to some of her previous failed attempts at showing good art – she’s got other people to do it for her.
A ‘committee’ comprised of the likes of Gasworks Anna Colin, Art Review’s Oliver Basciano, Guggenheim curator Katherine Brinson and Anita’s Lizzie Neilson all suggested works for the car park. Teeming with millions of Camberwell College students were a handful of art usuals – we saw Matthew Slotover looking a little bewildered, The Outset gang, artists Anthea Hamilton, Matthew Darbyshire, Nicholas Byrne, and George Henry-Longly (all in the show) Frieze’s Sarah McCrory, Mute’s Dean Kissick, Ash Lange from Herald Street, Martin Creed (who also performed) and AR’s Mark Rappolt.

It was noted that, having four women artists in the exhibition meant a 1000% rise in the number of women in a Hannah Barry project. Well Done Hannah! Let’s keep it up when you move to your new gallery home in the West End shall we? Note – does anyone know any more about this – will it be a second gallery or will she be leaving Peckham behind? Despite her gender-blindness, it was a fun evening.

CoS didn’t make the party which we heard was a sweaty and fun affair, but we did make local bar, Bar Story, where we sat and regaled students with made-up tales about that time we were sick in an umbrella stand at Marc Quinn’s house.

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Quizmasters and Debaters

Posted by cathedralofshit on March 30, 2010

Now that people have stopped buying art and everyone’s realised that biennials are all the same, the art world is at a bit of a loose end. Hence the sudden increase in back-slapping, aren’t-we-all-so-brilliant-and-funny quizzes and debates.
First up was Matthew Collings’ annual art-quiz at the Groucho that took place a couple of weeks ago where apparently our quizmaster dreamt up mad questions combining his own idiosyncratic take on art history with his even more idiosyncratic take on contemporary art. ‘Apparently’ because the CoS team was inadvertently not invited. But we were lurking in the audience at the Saatchi Gallery yesterday where Collings tore into Matthew Slotover in a public school-stylee debate on whether art fairs were a good thing or not. Richard Wentworth wore banknotes on his shirt and asked peculiar-rhetorical questions whilst rubbing twigs together. Jasper Joffe talked movingly about his lack of ambition or success. We think Mr Collings might have been annoyed because his role as artworld quizmaster was usurped by the louche and naughty Simon de Pury – everyone’s favourite bad uncle.
But even his position might be under threat as two unnamed Frieze art fair hackettes are doing some East End version of art quiz in Bistrotheque. They’ve already sent out a weird threatening/pleading email to their art world ‘friends’ making it clear that they’re not in it for the money but if everyone could send them a tenner by return of post, they too can be part of the jolly quiz-grouping and could you strictly not tell anyone else about the quiz or it would spoil it. Not that this sounds like a Nigerian lottery scam or anything, honest.

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Garlic Sauce, boss?

Posted by cathedralofshit on January 28, 2010

Frieze magazine’s looking terribly thin these days. How long before they reintroduce the staples? But Matthew Slotover has been relying on the public purse for basic sustenance for a while now. Munira Mirza, Boris Johnson’s hopelessly overqualified Cultural Adviser, treated him and his best pal Ed Vaizey to lunch back in July 1998. She spent £10 at an unnamed establishment on Old Street here. Small döner kebabs?

PS.

Ed Vaizey? Yup: the Honourable Edward Henry Butler Vaizey, Shadow Minister for the Arts. The title is inherited – his (relatively) recently exposed parliamentary expense claims of 2007 suggest he is not particularly ‘honourable’ but arguably cultured in other ways (likes both antique and contemporary Scandinavian furniture). Brilliant.

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